Weddings I Would Pay to Attend

Here's an excerpt from the "Celebrations" page in Sunday's edition of the Green Acres News & Astonisher. The accompanying photo was unfortunately an engagement portrait, not from the wedding itself, so no need for the link.

"The Bride wore a two-piece string bikini
that was white with yellow and red flowers,
and a white peasant skirt with crochet trim."

It really is just too easy, but I can't help myself.

1. In her defense, it was a TWO piece.
2. Vera Wang?
3. I wore 13 yards (approx. 30 pounds) of satin bouffant skirt, in May, in 98degree/ 99% humidity Carolina spring sunshine. She is waaaay smarter than me.
4. It's a toss-up whether my MIL would have shot me or herself. Maybe she would have shot The Him as well, for good measure.
5. I am experiencing morbid curiosity about the groom's attire. It's high time that was included in these announcements.
6. Give me a minute.



Okay. Let's continue.
7. Tuxedo Speedo?
8. I'm going to trademark that.
9. I am experiencing morbid curiosity about the minister's attire.
10. And that of the wedding party. Were the bridesmaids swimsuits really awful? Was gold lame involved? I want the group photo.



More fun facts, in the "of course" category:
The bride has a bachelor's degree in psychology and is studying for her master's.
She and the groom are co-owners of a tattoo studio. [Judging by her ink, I'm guessing he's the artist.]
The photographer's name is Buffy.
The reception was held at a restaurant called Bovine's.
*******

I leave you with an image of Queen Victoria in her wedding bikini.

Are you checking out my ass? You are. If not, I'll have you executed.