Friday, April 10, 2009


Not me. Not my peacock.

How much time do we all spend explaining and resisting and contradicting all of the assumptions people make about us?
Can't we all just get along?

May I rant just a little bit?

Yes. Yes I may. My blog.

1. I am a Christian.
YET I accept and defend the theory of evolution, the big bang theory, historical analysis of the scriptures, the validity of other faiths' perception of God, and the biological basis of mental illness. I support vaccination against childhood diseases, stem cell research, gene therapy, the legal right to abortion, and gay civil rights including marriage. Oh, and I'm a feminist.

2. My parents were Baptist missionaries.
BUT they did not teach me to condescend to people of other faiths or nationalities. They taught me that belief and faith should be held lightly, because nobody has a monopoly on the truth, or on God, and we're just as likely to get it wrong as the other guy.
Oh and I'm not Baptist. Neither was John the Baptist, by the way. At least not denominationally speaking.

3. I am a Presbyterian Elder.
YET I'm under 50, and I'm not a model of perfect behavior. I have a drink or three once in a while. [Not Mint Juleps. We'll get to that later...] I swear too much. I have an irreverent sense of humor. I don't iron my clothes.

4. I am a U.S. citizen.
YET I welcome immigrants. I speak more than one language. Sort of. I have a pretty good grasp of geography. I don't think all Muslims are terrorists and wifebeaters. I don't mock the French very often.

5. I am a Harvard graduate.
YET I'm not rich. I'm often unemployed. I count on my fingers sometimes, and I sing the alphabet song when I'm using the dictionary. I can't describe"what it was like" to go to Harvard, because that implies that I know what it's like to go to other colleges.

6. I live in a small town in a Southern state.
YET I am not a Klan member, nor do I own a Confederate Battle Flag. I know how to load and fire a rifle and a shotgun, but I don't own any guns, and I don't hunt. I have a full set of teeth.
Okay, some have been repaired extensively. Okay, okay, my Christmas lights are still up on the back porch. But not the front.

7. I was born in New York and grew up in New Jersey.
BUT I don't think New York City is the center of the universe, the greatest city on earth, or the sole arbiter of fashion or culture;
AND the town in NJ where I grew up was far more rural and isolated than the quaint southern town where I now live,
AND I don't speak like a Yankee (much. Only when I'm talking to a Yankee.) I can hear the differences among Southern accents, and I can cook grits. I know the difference between the Stars and Bars and the Battle flag. All of this applied before I moved south.

What I didn't know was that a Mint Julep is a slammin big wallop of bourbon over a few ice cubes with a spoonful of sugar and a few mint leaves.

Mojito = pearl handled revolver; Julep = AK47.

8. I am a housewife.
BUT I'm pretty bad at it because I dislike housework. I also write. I think I'm better at that. I hope.

9. I take 2 anti-depressants, a mood stabilizer and an ADD medicine.
BUT it's not because of #1-8, 10, 0r 11, or any combination thereof.
AND why do I never hear anyone say to a Type I diabetic, "if you tried harder and really put your mind to it, that insulin problem would resolve itself. It's all about willpower." Or, to a person with a broken limb, "That cast is a crutch. And so is that crutch."

10. I homeschool my daughter.
BUT not for religious reasons. Nor for racist reasons. Her teachers were not stupid, I think they were heroic. I'm not always a great teacher. Did I mention I'm NOT HOMESCHOOLING FOR RELIGIOUS REASONS.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. Some of my best friends do so. They're really nice people if you take the time to get to know them.

Oh, hell. I'm done wore out. How about a julep?


  1. I don't homeschool for religious reasons either, but dern it, I am so proud of the time they spend sitting quietly, reading the Bible. (Ducks to avoid heavenly lightening.) And listen, I didn't make the rules. One drinks Juleps in Purgatory. It's the only sustenance. I'm fairly certain of that. (That piece, by the way, was a result of my relationship with several online friends whose first words to me are always, "Help me! I'm sooo suicidal!" I thought to myself... "Really? Are you aware that if you off yourself you'll end up in purgatory? Where you'll have to drink... uh... Mint Juleps! Yeah!" Anyhow, I feel ya. Wondered if you have ever read Howard Zinn's (note how his name rhymes with "sin") A PEOPLE'S HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES? 1492 to the Present. Shaaaaaaaaaaaah. It's a kewl book. I'm reading it veeeeeeeery slowly. (As I must read every word, often twice.)
    But you'd like it. I just know it. Makes you angry though.

  2. Oh, and by the way, I have yet to drink an alcoholic bevy in which mint was a main ingredient that I liked. Including Mojitos. I know, go ahead and gasp. I'm thinking of making my nephew make me one because he claims I just haven't had one of his.