Wednesday, April 29, 2009

What I Did For Love

[edit 4/30: according to one reader --who shall remain nameless but you'd think he OF ALL PEOPLE would get the joke --I was way too subtle about the point of this monologue. Cliffs notes are in italics.]

When I was a kid, everyone I knew including me pronounced the class of frozen dessert shown at right "sherbert."
[The author opens with a seemingly random thesis. But is it? ]

I started buying my own groceries when I was eighteen. Which was, coincidentally, right about the time when ice cream decided to be scandinavian, and faux scandinavian at that.
[This elaboration of the thesis is a red herring, to heighten the impact of the punch line, and also provide an opportunity to try and be funny. Haagen Dasz, Frusen Gladje...]

I didn't notice until my mid-twenties that there was no R in the second syllable. Which was, coincidentally, right around the time when pasgettees became "pasta." Although to their credit, spaghetti manufacturers didn't jump on it -- they kept calling it "spaghetti," and still do.
[Ibid. Thought "pasgettees" was cute. My bad.]

I was in my late twenties before I realized that sherbet is an anglicization of sorbet. Right around the time when sherbet got jealous of pasta being all euro-chic and everything, and told everyone that from now on it would only answer to Sorbey.
[Ibid. Thought jealous sherbet was funny. Maybe only to me.]

PS I really hate lime sherbet. Orange is okay. Lemon is best, of course.
[Here's the wind-up. Only the first sentence is relevant.]

PPS The Him really loves lime sherbet.
[Second stage wind-up.]

PPPS I just got dressed, and decided to wear my key lime pie colored shirt. (I love key lime pie).
So of course I had to wear just the right bra, because this is the only item of clothing I own that I can wear this particular bra with. Because the Special bra is the color of lime sherbet.
[The last sentence is the PITCH. The implication answers the question posed by the title: The author purchased lingerie in a color she hates and can only wear with one item of clothing because it is a color that suggests a particular food favored by her spouse.
And I want credit for passing up the obvious vulgar play on ice-cream/bra TWO SCOOPS. ]

[ Sheesh.]


  1. I was always a fan of raspberry sherbet. Orange, lime and raspeberry striped was good too.
    Alas, my sherbet days are over (sugar is my enemy now).

  2. Joanie: I have the secret of sherbet without sugar. At least, without added sugar: is the sugar content of the fruit itself too much?

  3. I really do love lime sherbet. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I LOVE CHANDLER MORE THAN I LOVE YOU!

    Also, all fruit sherbets are outstanding with hot fudge sauce on top...

    Well, actually, things are outstanding with hot fudge sauce on top...

  4. Yeah, that was supposed to say "most things are outstanding with hot fudge sauce on top..."

  5. It was supposed to say "all things..." Anyhow, I just thought that sherbet or bert or whateverthehell was made with a modicum of dairy while sorbet is all fruit... or am I just way out in left field, standing alone, waiting for love, suffering in the hot desert sun of my madness, wondering if there will ever be... Uh. Oh yeah, where was I? Yeah. Dairy. Because I really thought sherbet had dairy in it.